Cop vs. Skater

Studio executives don’t have time for a full 30 minute pitch anymore, its probably easier to show them a 3 and a half minute long YouTube clip and your take on it than it is to actually spend time pitching something new….

Think “Reno 911” meets “Training Day” meets “Anger Management”

Tag line: “Stop calling me dude! A dude is somebody who works on a ranch”

Synopsis:
Baltimore’s finest, the out-of-shape ‘Officer Rivieri’ (cast A-list star like Dom DeLuise, Chris Farley’s brother or Horatio Sanz) - who lives by the motto - “the sooner you learn my name - the longer you are going to live in this world”) is having a bad day. His wife left him, his daughter is dating a black guy. And last week he shot an old lady by accident while pursuing a violent criminal.
After lunch one day ‘Officer Rivieri’ comes across a group of truant high-school kids including young skateboarding teen ‘Eric’ (I think we should cast Kevin Connolly, Shia LeBouf or a midget, basically anyone we can get who can pass for 14 years old…) and his friends.
After a passionate show of emotion towards the downtrodden teen, Officer Rivieri literally shakes the evil out of the latch-key kid. ‘Eric’, with no father figure in his life realizes that Rivieri is the male role model he’s always needed and he and Rivieri ride off into the sunset hand in hand on skateboards…

Dear Ben Silverman (Co-Chairman NBC Universal Studios)

RE: Don’t turn off my Friday Night Lights

I know you and I have never met, but I feel like we have a “connection” if you know what I mean….

Not in a gay way, but I’ve admired your success from afar and I always gave you props from the sidelines.  I’ve watched your rise from assistant at CBS to running William Morris Agency’s International division to starting the very succesful TV Company Reveille (”The Office” “Ugly Betty“) to your current gig as co-chairman of NBC Entertainment.

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Coming to us via our participation in a work-release program arranged by Chris Hansen to reform some of the sex offenders that have been jailed as a result of his show, we bring you our newest contributor Wodi McWo, who — when not perusing MySpace and/or the Disney Kids message boards for fresh meat — peruses YouTube for the latest and greatest viral videos. Take it, Wodi. – ed.

“Welcome To My Book Collection”
(Glen Danzig Interview - on the topic of Books)

You can pretty much put Glen Danzig in anything and it will most likely make it my YouTube Clip of the Week. The guy is like Hercules, but if Hercules listened to metal and burned Jews in his free time. Now I ask you, who wouldn’t want to know what a metal loving, Jew burning Hercules has in his “book collection?” I’ll tell you who – Oliver Marcuse, a wheelchair bound faggot that I went to elementary school with. What? I’m an asshole because I used to throw rocks at him and “accidentally” knocked him out of his chair once when he wouldn’t swallow? Didn’t he read the bible? He should know that being a cripple is a sin. Lucky for me, Oliver was diagnosed with MS in 8th grade and I can’t help but believe that he’s dead by now.

Anyways, thanks to YouTube user “jbroccoli,” we now know that Mr. Misfit is into: werewolves, angels and stories about Jesus killing children by bringing clay statues to life (like you would have guessed anything different). My favorite part about this clip is that Danzig seems to believe anything he reads and I dare you to tell him he’s wrong. A werewolf came out of a clearing and shook a baby in his mouth – FACT. Every child should have a copy of “Occult Roots of Nazism” – you betcha. The church has secretly thrown out bible chapters that don’t fit in with the “ideology of Christ” – well that’s just fucking science right there. Do yourself a favor and watch this clip right now, because if you don’t, Glen Danzig will show up to your house with a posse of Nazi werewolves and proceed to skull fuck your “Mother” while Jesus laughs from above… you see what I did there? That’s why I’ll be getting laid tonight while you’ll be at home reading perezhilton and watching Ugly Betty. “Oh that America Ferrera is so beautiful!” Sorry to have to be the one to break it to you, but no, she’s not.