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by admin

Mongol will rock your world

Mongol
The life and times of Genghis Khan kick some serious ass! 

I just saw Sergei Bordov’s Academy Award nominated film “Mongol” and I was blown away.

The excellent cinematography and storytelling of this epic film about the 12th Century uniter of the Mongol people is beautiful from opening frame to closing credits.

Part I of a proposed trilogy is riveting as the young life of Temjudjin (who becomes Genghis Khan after founding the Mongol Empire) is incredible with so many ups and downs that I thought I was watching an Asian “Die Hard” mixed with a few parts of “Braveheart” and “Kingdom of Heaven.”

Fine performances from Mongol actors and Japanese actor Tadanobu Asano who plays Temudjin’s blood brother ‘Jamukha is especially poignant.

Do not miss Mongol - now playing in a theater near you.

http://www.mongolmovie.com/

by CMAC

Indiana Jones 4: Recap and Review

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Like a lot of you, I was there front and center last night for the opening of Indiana Jones and the Mystery of the Crystal Skull. And like a lot of you, I was mildly disappointed. Which is not to say I didn’t enjoy it; however my enjoyment tasted a tad bittersweet. The franchise no longer packs the punch that it did in my youth, when my Uncle Allan would take me to Indiana Jones movies as an excuse to show me the “surprise” waiting for me buried underneath the popcorn in a bucket on his lap. The lastest Indy movie hit all the beats; it just didn’t seem like anyone’s hearts were in it – not the writers’, not the director’s, and definitely not Harrison Ford’s. Parts of it were great, but some parts were laughably bad, and as you’ll see from the following recap, some (like the ending) were just blatantly offensive.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Film opens with a title card reading 1987. Dr. Jones is now a decrepit old man working in a Muncie, Indiana roller skating rink. The rink’s owner, Mr. Sullivan, informs Indy that it’s the night of the big break-dancing competition and he doesn’t want him doing anything to screw it up. Jones mutters something cranky and Mr. Sullivan tells him that if doesn’t adjust his attitude he’s going to make him go back to the halfway house, where old men like him are raped repeatedly until their sphincters blow out, then dragged out back and shot. Jones looks scared at first, but as soon as Mr. Sullivan turns to walk away Indy calls him a “turd-eater.” Apparently this is a reference to something that happened during the opening credits, off-screen. Mr. Sullivan turns around to say something but he can’t. Tears roll down his cheeks. Mr. Sullivan runs away and Jones smiles and says “told ya!” to his pet monkey Steven (in this movie, Jones has a pet monkey named Steven).

Cut to later that night: the break-dancing competition is in full swing. Indy grimaces off the rap music blasting through the PA system, and tells his pet monkey that it sounds like “somebody shit on an electric organ.” But just as the break-dancers are about to start the quarter-final round a neo-nazi S.W.A.T. team armed with lasers bursts into the rink and starts blasting everyone in sight. Jones pulls out his trademark bullwhip and starts kicking ass and taking names, which seemed kind of ridiculous considering he’s supposed to be 80 years old and had been using a walker up until this point. Even more ridiculous was the fact that they used the same “da-na-na-na-na” sound effect from the Six Million Dollar Man whenever Indy would punch out some Nazi, or jump 20 feet into the air over some moving tank. I guess we’re supposed to assume that Indiana Jones is now bionic but that doesn’t explain why he still uses a walker whenever it’s convenient. One of the Nazis pulls out a couple of sabres and does an ornate sword dance a la the first film, allowing Jones to recycle his trademark line, “that’s not a knife — THIS is a knife.” Indy pulls out a Rambo knife and cuts off the Nazi’s head with it. Then he pops out one of the Nazi’s eyeballs and starts skull-fucking the severed head while saying “Satchmo!” over and over. This skull-fucking bit happens several times throughout the movie and every time, Jones says “Satchmo.” I guess it’s supposed to be his new catch-phrase but it just seems lame.

Finally all the Nazis are dead, but just when you think their troubles are over, a digital-rendered giant baby (think Jar-Jar Binks, only a baby) challenges Indy to a break-dancing battle. Indy starts popping and locking like his name’s Turbo, humiliating the baby. All the other break-dancers tell the giant baby that he “got served.” At first you think the giant baby’s going to be mad about it but he suddenly transforms into a human teenager named Wendell, played by TV’s Shia LaBeouf. Wendell thanks Indy for lifting the curse, then explains that he’s Indy’s son from an affair he had with a Latvian hooker. Indy says “but I thought your mom got an abortion,” and Wendell says “she tried, but all the abortion doctors were locked in prison for speaking out against the government.” Doctor Jones yells “what idiots!” and they both share a laugh. I guess this was supposed to be their moment of father/son bonding. When they realize that Mr. Sullivan had been killed in the Nazi attack they decide to go on an adventure to retrieve what’s known as the Crystal Skull. Apparently it was invented by Nazi scientists during WWII but was now being used by PepsiCo to give Crystal Pepsi its power of flavor. Indy hopes he can use it to bring Mr. Sullivan back to life because some evil developers want to turn the roller rink into a pornography studio. Jones, LaBeouf and Steven the Monkey get into a bunch of fights and bang some Russian whores then at the end fly a helicopter into the World Trade Center. Just before they crash the helicopter Indy turns to his bastard son and says “someday, son, some true heroes will do exactly what we’re doing — but with 747s -– in their fight against American Imperialism. They will call those men the heroes of 9/11.” Indy and Wendell actually survive the helicopter crash but on the way to the hospital Indiana Jones dies. Of AIDS.

Overall it was still an enjoyable film, and I’m sure it’ll go on to make hundreds, if not thousands of dollars. It just wasn’t as good as the originals, or at least not as good as I’d remembered them. I guess that’s the problem with getting older. Sometimes reality doesn’t live up to the memories.

by admin

IRON MAN Review

Review by Jesse Custer

ironmanforreal.jpg
Downey Jr. in a rare studio test shot

Drugs make some people better. And I’m not talking about that sissy shit Pfizer keeps pushing during halftime (I know, I know – we’re all tempted to see what kind of crotch we could wreck with a six hour boner, but is it worth heart failure and rectal bleeding?), I mean the real stuff – heroin, crack and the unsung hero, PCP. Hasn’t slowed Keith Richards down, and he’s been shoving horse Pulp Fiction-style straight into his heart since Sticky Fingers. Face it, Nancy (I’m talking to the former first lady, not all you homos reading this), “Just say no!” wasn’t a completely fleshed out theory. Robert Downey Jr. is better living through chemistry proof of this.

robertdowneyjrmugshot.jpg
champion

Art imitates life again (who can forget his lip-locked-cock turn as the junkie in Less Than Zero (this time I am talking to the homos)) as journeyman thesp Downey Jr. tackles the role of alcoholic Tony Stark like he’s Lawrence Taylor coming at Joe Theisman’s blindside (LT – another champion with a taste for baking soda and coca leaves). The result is arguably the best casting choice in Hollywood history, standing eye to eye with other such inspired picks as Schwarzeneggar’s Conan, Stallone’s Rocky, Keanu’s Johnny Utah and Jonah Hill’s Fat Guy #1.

Initiated dorks and cherry-intact noobs alike will respect the filmmakers’ athletic strides which quickly establish Stark’s entire mythology and catapult the current story. 13-year-olds reared on a steady diet of Lunchables, MTV and Ritalin will appreciate the comic adaptation’s short two hour running time, a rarity in a genre dominated by masturbatory three hour snooze fests with no eye candy except for Dunst’s D-cup droopers (can’t they CGI out the sag?). Action junkies will “ooh” and “aah” at every ‘splosion while aspiring filmmakers will appreciate the craft at work on every level of this production. Expect the four credited writers’ quote to skyrocket like Tony Stark’s blood-alcohol level at an open bar.

Fantastic pretending too. Jeff Bridges pulls off Obadiah Stane with an understated touch that breathes true life into a two-dimensional funny book villain. Gwenyth “I hate apple pie” Paltrow rekindles likeability unseen since se7en. Leslie Bibb – whose performance in site fave Sex and Death 101 gave sticky-fingered co-lead Winona a run for her money – continues to show the same promise evidenced in Talladega Nights. I did want Terrance Howard to put more Hustle and Flow edge on Stark’s hetero life-partner Rhodey, but he still hits all his marks. Stan “The Man” Lee Excelsior’s cameo is his best yet, even trumping his po-mo appearance with Lou Ferrigno in The Hulk That Universal Wants You to Forget. And dorkrector Jon Favreau steps in front of the camera as Happy Hogan to let us all know that a shake for breakfast and lunch and a sensible dinner really does work. But make no mistake, Iron Man is no ensemble piece. This is the house that Robert Downey Jr. built.

The star even showed up with Favreau at The Arclight in Hollywood for last night’s midnight showing to welcome all us dorks who’d rather ogle Jean Grey’s tits through a protective polyurethane sleeve than risk the rejection of hitting on a real woman. And since you’re obviously not important enough to receive the same treatment, I’ll just pass along their closing words: stay through the credits. Best post-credit bumper since Ferris Bueller told us to hit the bricks.

Iron Man = triumph

by admin

‘Definitely, Maybe’ - a chick-flick I didn’t mind watching…

Definitely, Maybe

There’s a lot of reasons not to like 31-year-old Ryan Reynolds. He’s much better looking than you, he dates Scarlett Johansson (he’s also dated Rachael Leigh Cook and Alanis Morissette), at 6′2″ and a half he’s probably taller than you and he’s Canadian…

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