Ladies and Gentelmen, please welcome a new contributor to BOPsy - his name might be decieving, believe me, he’s a happy guy on the inside. Without further adieu, Mister Grim…..

by Mister Grim

So, my li’l chickies, the world is dimming and there’s a deep dark future in store for all of us and our posterity. Now, gentle reader, brace yourself for a bit of the truth as only Mr. Grim can dole out. The culprit for our nearing destruction…full frontal male nudity is coming back! And believe me, it ain’t really that funny.

Sitting there in the movie theater years ago, when “There’s Something About Mary” came out, I caught a glimpse of the future…that future was the sight of Ben Stiller’s clenched, purple testicles zipped up in his prom trousers. While the scene was funny and certainly unexpected (mostly because of the hyperbole of the situation –and that they obviously weren’t Stiller’s balls) it served as a harbinger for today when parts of the male apparatus would be shown for no reason, except to shock.

I think “Borat” has probably most recently set the standard (although, I believe there was a penis sighting in one of the “Scary Movie” films as well). While the scene in the hotel featuring Borat and his rotund producer posited itself as a critique of American insecurity about hot, no holds barred man on man action (thus setting Sacha Baron Cohen on course for his next character Bruno movie), for me the moment rang false. Oh, I give both those guys kudos for their bravery. I gave Halle Berry kudos for exposing herself in “Monster’s Ball” and letting Billy Bob Thornton ride her pony, that doesn’t mean that I felt that the scene was necessary (or the Academy Award, but that’s another story).

So now “I Hate You Sarah Marshall” is coming out and so another dolphin takes to the sky. While the pee pee in question is supposedly bared to illustrate the awkward, nakedness of being broken up with (and it’s derived from the writer/star’s actual biography), it will undoubtedly be one of the few scenes that people talk about with regards to the movie…no matter how funny everything else is.

Not that that’s a problem, especially not if the flick makes bank. The real problem is the slew of imitators that are waiting in development…all the half assed, not funny bastards waiting to unveil their skinflute just to funny up their unfunny shenanigans. Oh I can hear you. “Hey, Mister Grim, that’s a slippery slope argument, just ’cause a couple guys bare all doesn’t mean that we should grip ourselves for an impending tsunami of dick.” If there’s anything I’ve learned from Hollywood, gentle reader, it’s that Hollywood functions on the slipperiest of slopes. Once somebody does it, it’s up for grabs, even if the grabber shouldn’t be grabbing in the first place.

There’s something to be left up to the imagination…not that I like to spend my time filling my thoughts with penis pictures…(okay, not all the time), but imagine “the” scene in “American Pie” when the pie is penetrated…it was funny on it’s own merits…the expression on Jason Biggs’ face tells the story a whole lot better than a johnson dripping with pie goo can.

I hear you talking again. “Maybe it’s your strained relationship with your own pecker that’s really the issue, Mister Grim.” I don’t dispute that. You’re probably right. But, trust me it’s probably more comedic to IMAGINE me having issues with my middle member rather than SEEING me have issues with it. That’s not comedy…that’s tragedy.