Back in the day, the name Brandis was a synonym for Awesome. When Spielberg needed an actor for his live action series “SeaQuest DSV”, whom did he turn to? Brandis! When Rodney Dangerfield needed a male costar that could double as a surprisingly hot chick in LADYBUGS, whom did he turn to? Brandis! And when George Lucas was looking for a young man to play Anakin Skywalker in STAR WARS II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES, whom did he turn to? Well, Hayden Christensen, but guess who auditioned for the role? BRANDIS! The guy was Hollywood’s leading man before there was ever a Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio. He banged Brittany Murphy, played with dolphins and his television resume read like a wet dream: “Webster,” “Full House,” “Saved By The Bell,” and “The Wonder Years.”

So whatever became of the man who was nominated in 1991 for Best Young Actor Guest Starring in a Television Series for his role in “The Flash”? Jonathan Brandis went on to become one of the most famous celebrities ever. He currently makes 20 million dollars a film, pisses gold and drives a rocket car through the streets of Hollywood. Nah, I’m just kidding, he’s dead. What a douchebag.

If Hollywood Hot-Spots and meaningless tabloids were as prevalent in the early 80’s as they are today, you would find Barret Oliver doing lines of coke off Tiffany Brissette’s juicy, robotic breasts just before getting denied entrance at Les Deux*. He had a hit TV show in “Knight Rider” and starred in THE NEVERENDING STORY, D.A.R.Y.L and COCOON. In 1989 Barret had the bejeezus scared out of him when his costar in the underappreciated comedy SCENES FROM A CLASS STRUGGLE IN BEVERLY HILLS was murdered by a crazed stalker — he would never act again.

Some like to believe that Barret actually became the savior of Fantasisa and lived out his life banging the Childlike Empress and fighting crime with Falcor. Unfortunately, Barret got mixed up in photography and currently writes books about some developing process I have ever heard of nor care about. What a douchebag.