MTV is the name of a horrid reality programming outlet on cable. The “M” in the name apparently stands for “music,” though the network hasn’t been in the music game since cell phones had those little flip-up antennas. Still, for reasons unknown they continue to host an awards show every year to honor famous pop musicians’ achievements in promotional materials.

Lady Gaga and Beyonce won a bunch of awards for being really good at lip-synching while a film crew hired by their label’s marketing department documented the event. Eminem and Green Day also took home trophies for their willingness to participate in their own publicity campaigns.

This year’s contrived controversy happened when Kanye West, who is lucky because he never has to worry about forgetting Mother’s Day, interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech for ‘Best Female Video’ to insist that Beyonce should have won the award instead. Because in Kanye West’s opinion Beyonce is way better at participating in the production of promotional materials than Swift.

Kanye later Twittered about the incident.

Sigh.

The complete list of “winners” is below.

Video of the Year: Beyonce, ‘Single Ladies
Best New Artist: Lady Gaga, ‘Poker Face’
Best Hip-Hop Video: Eminem, ‘We Made You’
Best Male Video: T.I. featuring Rihanna, ‘Live Your Life’
Best Pop Video: Britney Spears, ‘Womanizer’
Best Rock Video: Green Day, ‘21 Guns’
Best Female Video: Taylor Swift, ‘You Belong With Me’
Best Video (That Should Have Won a Moonman): Beastie Boys, ‘Sabotage’
Breakthrough Video: Matt and Kim, ‘Lessons Learned’
Best Art Direction: Lady Gaga, ‘Paparazzi’
Best Choreography: Beyonce, ‘Single Ladies’
Best Cinematography: Green Day, ‘21 Guns’
Best Direction: Green Day, ‘21 Guns’
Best Editing: Beyonce, ‘Single Ladies’
Best Special Effects: Lady Gaga, ‘Paparazzi’

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I really have no idea why MTV still exists. Other than bed-ridden quadriplegics with cruel keepers who even watches it? If it weren’t for the fact that its two annual awards shows usually dump some lame publicity stunts into the zeitgeist I’d just assume that the “Music Television” network went off the air in 1998. Its cultural significance circa 2009 is right up there with pogs and The Macarena, and admitting to watching MTV on a regular basis is like trying to rock an aqua-blue Motorola pager on your hip. I’m sure at some point it’ll be a nostalgic-cum-hipster-ironic thing to do, like listening to cassette tapes, but until the Williamsburg fixed-gear set starts rocking “I Want My MTV” stickers on their messenger bags can we all agree to shun MTV viewers like lepers?

Oh and speaking of lame publicity stunts, this year’s was Sacha Baron Cohen’s tea-bagging of Eminem. I’m sure this totally contrived moment of spontaneous comedy has already hit your inbox a thousand times by now, but just in case reading this blog is your only interaction with the outside world, here’s the clip (fair warning, it will probably be pulled off YouTube at some point).

Boy, Eminem sure seemed upset, huh? Yeah that’s called acting. Bad acting. Eminem has a new record to hype, remember? He needed the publicity just as much as Brüno. ANYWAY, besides giving celebrities a well-lit street corner on which to pimp themselves like the ass-whores they are, MTV also handed out a bunch of meaningless statuettes, presumably for achievements in cinema. I’m sure an MTV Movie Award on your mantle’s right up there with NAMBLA’s “Best Child Molester” trophy, but as you peruse the list of “winners” below the twisted logic of it all starts to make sense. The MTV Movie Awards makes the Nick Kids Choice Awards look “deep.”

BEST MOVIE
• Twilight

BEST FEMALE PERFORMANCE
• Kristen Stewart – Twilight

BEST MALE PERFORMANCE
• Zac Efron – High School Musical 3: Senior Year

BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE FEMALE
• Ashley Tisdale – High School Musical 3: Senior Year

BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE MALE
• Robert Pattinson – Twilight

BEST COMEDIC PERFORMANCE
• Jim Carrey – Yes Man

BEST VILLAIN
• Heath Ledger – The Dark Knight

BEST FIGHT
• Robert Pattinson vs. Cam Gigandet – Twilight

BEST KISS
• Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson – Twilight

BEST WTF MOMENT
• Amy Poehler – Baby Mama, Peeing In the Sink

BEST SONG FROM A MOVIE
• “The Climb” – Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana: The Movie

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Today the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences released the complete list of nominated films. The Oscars will be telecast on ABC and hosted by actor Hugh Jackman.

Here is the list of nominees by category:

Best Picture: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” “Frost/Nixon,” “Milk,” “The Reader,” “Slumdog Millionaire.”

Actor: Richard Jenkins, “The Visitor”; Frank Langella, “Frost/Nixon”; Sean Penn, “Milk”; Brad Pitt, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”; Mickey Rourke, “The Wrestler.”

Actress: Anne Hathaway, “Rachel Getting Married”; Angelina Jolie, “Changeling”; Melissa Leo, “Frozen River”; Meryl Streep, “Doubt”; Kate Winslet, “The Reader.”

Supporting Actor: Josh Brolin, “Milk”; Robert Downey Jr., “Tropic Thunder”; Philip Seymour Hoffman, “Doubt”; Heath Ledger, “The Dark Knight”; Michael Shannon, “Revolutionary Road.”

Supporting Actress: Amy Adams, “Doubt”; Penelope Cruz, “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”; Viola Davis, “Doubt”; Taraji P. Henson, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”; Marisa Tomei, “The Wrestler.”

Director: David Fincher, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”; Ron Howard, “Frost/Nixon”; Gus Van Sant, “Milk”; Stephen Daldry, “The Reader”; Danny Boyle, “Slumdog Millionaire.”

Foreign Film: “The Baader Meinhof Complex,” Germany; “The Class,” France; “Departures,” Japan; “Revanche,” Austria; “Waltz With Bashir,” Israel.

Adapted Screenplay: Eric Roth and Robin Swicord, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”; John Patrick Shanley, “Doubt”; Peter Morgan, “Frost/Nixon”; David Hare, “The Reader”; Simon Beaufoy, “Slumdog Millionaire.”

Original Screenplay: Courtney Hunt, “Frozen River”; Mike Leigh, “Happy-Go-Lucky”; Martin McDonagh, “In Bruges”; Dustin Lance Black, “Milk”; Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon and Pete Docter, “WALL-E.”

Animated Feature Film: “Bolt”; “Kung Fu Panda”; “WALL-E.”

Art Direction: “Changeling,” “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” “The Dark Knight,” “The Duchess,” “Revolutionary Road.”

Cinematography: “Changeling,” “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” “The Dark Knight,” “The Reader,” “Slumdog Millionaire.”

Sound Mixing: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” “The Dark Knight,” “Slumdog Millionaire,” “WALL-E,” “Wanted.”

Sound Editing: “The Dark Knight,” “Iron Man,” “Slumdog Millionaire,” “WALL-E,” “Wanted.”

Original Score: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” Alexandre Desplat; “Defiance,” James Newton Howard; “Milk,” Danny Elfman; “Slumdog Millionaire,” A.R. Rahman; “WALL-E,” Thomas Newman.

Original Song: “Down to Earth” from “WALL-E,” Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman; “Jai Ho” from “Slumdog Millionaire,” A.R. Rahman and Gulzar; “O Saya” from “Slumdog Millionaire,” A.R. Rahman and Maya Arulpragasam.

Costume: “Australia,” “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” “The Duchess,” “Milk,” “Revolutionary Road.”

Documentary Feature: “The Betrayal (Nerakhoon),” “Encounters at the End of the World,” “The Garden,” “Man on Wire,” “Trouble the Water.”

Documentary (short subject): “The Conscience of Nhem En,” “The Final Inch,” “Smile Pinki,” “The Witness – From the Balcony of Room 306.”

Film Editing: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” “The Dark Knight,” “Frost/Nixon,” “Milk,” “Slumdog Millionaire.”

Makeup: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” “The Dark Knight,” “Hellboy II: The Golden Army.”

Animated Short Film: “La Maison en Petits Cubes,” “Lavatory – Lovestory,” “Oktapodi,” “Presto,” “This Way Up.”

Live Action Short Film: “Auf der Strecke (On the Line),” “Manon on the Asphalt,” “New Boy,” “The Pig,” “Spielzeugland (Toyland).”

Visual Effects: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” “The Dark Knight,” “Iron Man.”

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Best film (drama)
Slumdog Millionaire
Also nominated: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Frost/Nixon, The Reader, Revolutionary Road

Best film (musical or comedy)
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Also nominated: Burn After Reading, Happy-Go-Lucky, In Bruges, Mamma Mia

Best director
Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire)
Also nominated: Stephen Daldry (The Reader), David Fincher (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), Ron Howard (Frost/Nixon), Sam Mendes (Revolutionary Road)

Best actor (drama)
Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)
Also nominated: Leonardo DiCaprio (Revolutionary Road), Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon), Sean Penn (Milk), Brad Pitt (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)

Best actress (drama)
Kate Winslet (Revolutionary Road)
Also nominated: Anne Hathaway (Rachel Getting Married), Angelina Jolie (Changeling), Kristin Scott Thomas (I’ve Loved You So Long), Meryl Streep (Doubt)

Best actor (musical or comedy)
Colin Farrell (In Bruges)
Also nominated: Javier Bardem (Vicky Cristina Barcelona), James Franco (Pineapple Express), Brendan Gleeson (In Bruges), Dustin Hoffman (Last Chance Harvey)

Best actress (musical or comedy)
Sally Hawkins (Happy-Go-Lucky)
Also nominated: Rebecca Hall (Vicky Cristina Barcelona), Frances McDormand (Burn After Reading), Meryl Streep (Mamma Mia), Emma Thompson (Last Chance Harvey)

Best supporting actor
Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
Also nominated: Tom Cruise (Tropic Thunder), Robert Downey Jr (Tropic Thunder), Ralph Fiennes (The Duchess), Philip Seymour Hoffman (Doubt)

Best supporting actress
Kate Winslet (The Reader)
Also nominated: Amy Adams (Doubt), Penelope Cruz (Vicky Cristina Barcelona), Viola Davis (Doubt), Marisa Tomei (The Wrestler)

Best foreign language film
Waltz with Bashir
Also nominated: The Baader Meinhof Complex, Gomorrah, I’ve Loved You So Long

Best animated feature film
Wall-E
Also nominated: Bolt, Kung Fu Panda

Best screenplay
Simon Beaufoy (Slumdog Millionaire)
Also nominated: David Hare (The Reader), Peter Morgan (Frost/Nixon), Eric Roth (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), John Patrick Shanley (Doubt)

Best original song
The Wrestler (The Wrestler)
Also nominated: Down to Earth (Wall-E), Gran Torino (Gran Torino), I Thought I Lost You (Bolt), Once In A Lifetime (Cadillac Records)

Best original score
AR Rahman (Slumdog Millionaire)
Also nominated: Alexandre Desplat (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), Clint Eastwood (Changeling), James Newton Howard (Defiance), Hans Zimmer (Frost/Nixon)

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