As they recently did with their mark 2 Wolf Man trailer, Universal’s marketing folks have cut their Robin Hood teaser to look like some metalcore video lifted from MTV2’s Headbanger’s Ball (yes, MTV2 actually plays the occasional music video), replete with a barrage of jump cuts, butt-metal guitar riffs, the curious random line of dialog and absolutely nothing to indicate that there might be some sort of story going on. I’m pretty sure Robin Hood’s going to be good – just because Ridley Scott’s movies are at their worst watchable (except Hannibal) and at their best awesome (and by this I mean Alien, not the overrated Blade Runner) plus the film boasts a strong cast (biggups to Kevin Durand as Little John, yo!) – but all I know after watching that trailer is a) Russell Crowe is in it and b) there are arrows. Maybe there’s a segment of our society for whom “Russell Crowe + arrows” is the only lure they’ll need to go see a movie, but I am clearly not among their ranks.

Now if Robin Hood were a videogame, this trailer would be perfectly fine. Seeing arrows and swordplay at least means that I’ll likely be able to shoot some people with arrows, and cut off people’s heads with swords. Story, in a videogame, is generally something you skip past to get to the killing. But film being a passive medium, and mashing the red X button not being an option, I’d at least like to know before plunking down fourteen dollars for a ticket that Robin Hood will amount to something a tad more substantial than watching some stoner play Oblivion for two hours. Because believe me, I can do that for free.

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