Not-gay

OUR CRYSTAL BALLS SAY

1. Twilight: New Moon – $114M
2. 2012 – $28M
3. A Christmas Carol – $15M
4. The Blind Side – $14M
5. Planet 51 – $12M
6. Precious - $10M
7. The Men Who Stare at Goats – $4M
8. This Is It – $2.7M
9. Couples Retreat – $2M
10. Paranormal Activity – $1.8M

ANAL-YSIS

It’s a pretty safe bet that this weekend will belong to the emo vampires and their gay werewolf friends. Showcasing the only smart move Summit has made since transitioning from foreign sales entity into boner-fide mini-studio, Twilight : New Moon should break the hundred million mark and go on to be one of the biggest films of the year. Sure the trailers looked shitty, but the screaming tweens comprising Robert Pattinson’s Jolly Rancher Army don’t care about crappy CGI and laughably bad acting so long as it takes a back seat to their shower-nozzle dream-lover’s longful gaze and hairless man-boy chest. Also opening this weekend are family ‘toon Planet 51 and feel-good sports drama The Blind Side. Um, can we send Sandra Bullock back to the cave she was hiding in from 2006 until this year? She belongs in Lifetime rape-movie-of-the-weeks, not on the silver screen.

Of course the movie everyone NEEDS to see this weekend is Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans. I was going to post a full review but unfortunately I contracted the Mexican bacon-AIDS and have been slurping Tussin through a sippy straw all week. Suffice to say it’s Nic Cage’s master work, and further cements my theory that Cage’s post-Leaving Las Vegas, mainstream Hollywood career has been one long performance art piece intended to destroy cinema. Through Werner Herzog’s lens, it is undeniable that Cage is possessed by genius. Unless you’re a 12-year-old girl skip the femme-pires, see this instead.

THE OTHER GUYS

Lee’s Movie Info

1. Twilight: New Moon – $111M
2. 2012 – $28.4M
3. The Blind Side – $17.48M
4. A Christmas Carol – $15.28M
5. Precious – $10.15M
6. Planet 51 – $8.87M
7. Men Stare at Goats – $3M
8. This Is It – $2.35M
9. Couples Retreat – $2.25M
10. Paranormal Activity – $2.14M

Box Office

1. Twilight: New Moon – $110M
2. 2012 – $28.5M
3. The Blind Side -$14.5M
4. Disney’s A Christmas Carol -$13.7M
5. Planet 51 – $12.8M
6. Precious – $10.3M
7. The Men Who Stare at Goats – $2.7M
8. This Is It – $2.4M
9. Law Abiding Citizen – $2.3M
10. Couples Retreat – $2M

Box Office Mojo (Derby)

1. The Twilight Saga: New Moon – $98.4M
2. 2012 – $29.9M
3. The Blind Side – $15.7M
4. A Christmas Carol – $15.3M
5. Planet 51 – $13.1M
6. Precious – $9.8M
7. The Men Who Stare at Goats – $3.4M
8. Michael Jackson’s This Is It – $2.7M
9. Couples Retreat – $2.6M
10. Paranormal Activity – $2.2M

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