This is Spaaaarta! Or maybe it’s Crete. But clearly, If there was one thing the ancient Greeks loved almost as much as sodomizing male children it was synth-laden crabcore metal. Don’t believe me? Just check out this movie trailer for the upcoming repuke of Clash of the Titans.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. That was XTREME. This is going to be the best videogame since Modern Warfare 2. What’s that? It’s not a videogame? Well fuck that noise. Maybe I’m dating myself but I remember the trailer for the O.G. Clash of the Titans giving me chills. This trailer just made me want to mash the X button so I could skip the cut-scene and kill some skeletons. Sorry, The Hollywood, but no small army of South Koreans slave-laboring in some basement CG farm is ever going to touch the stop-motion magic created by FX legend Ray Harryhausen for the original Clash. Harryhausen’s work was mind-blowing. This trailer’s only a few baths better than the one for Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus. Oh, and I’m sorry… no Kraken? NO FUCKING KRAKEN? This trailer am have failed. At everything.

It is at this point that I feel obliged to cleanse our collective palates with the trailer for the original Clash of the Titans. Even today, the trailer below is a thousand million times better than that nu metal smash cut mess above, and if you disagree you are either some 14-year-old, Code Red Mountain Dew-addicted Juggalo from rural Ohio, or you worked on the upcoming repuke and lack any sense self-awareness. Strange bedfellows, hmmm?

ANYWAY: Behold… The Kraken.

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