OUR CRYSTAL BALLS SAY

1. Couples Retreat – $27M
   
2. Zombieland – $16M
   
3. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs – $11M
   
4. Toy Story/Toy Story 2 3D – $8M
   
5. The Invention of Lying – $4.5M
   
6. Surrogates - $4.8M
   
7. Capitalism: A Love Story – $3. 5M
   
8. Whip It – $2.8
   
9. The Informant! – $2.5M
   
10. Fame - $2M
    

ANAL-YSIS

Remember how cool Vince Vaughn was in Swingers? Remember how he inspired thousands of poseurs to move to Hollywood, dress like they were members the Rat Pack, listen to nu swing bands with names like Big Fat Squirrel Zippers, and do weekend roadtrips to Vegas where they’d call everyone “baby?” Well thankfully that trend didn’t last very long, and likewise Vince Vaughn’s cool factor was only meant to last as long as Cherry Poppin’ Daddies career, because he’s since transformed himself into the go-to guy for generic couple comedies ala The Breakup, Four Christmases, et al. He’s like a thinking man’s Matthew Mcconaughey. And if you’re a man, he’s the only reason you’ll let your wife talk you into to seeing Couples Retreat this weekend. Well, that and some vague promise of her letting you try anal. You know there’s going to be a bunch of lame relationship crap in there but there’s always the hope that Vince will throw in some of his heelarious ad-libbed rants to make the whole thing almost worth it. Because believe me, the anal? Not worth it. Last time my wife let me try it we ruined a pair of sheets and I couldn’t sit down for a week. I suppose we should’ve used a less ambitious strap-on.

Anyway, like the Jeff Stryker strap-on collecting dust in my closet, Couples Retreat should reap a shitload this weekend. Just don’t let any get on the sheets. Trust me on that one. But if you want to see something actually watchable, do yourselves a favor and check out Zombieland or Whip It. The former is awesome, ’tis true. But the latter could use a little help. It’s a sweet little film, and serves as a reminder that Ellen Page was a big part of why Juno was such a guilty pleasure, not just Diablo Cody’s hipster-speak-laden script. Hey, I like Diablo Cody, but she’s the only screenwriter in town who does her work using Twitter instead of Final Draft. Besides, Ellen Page was on Trailer Park Boys, the greatest thing to come out of Canada since 2112.

THE OTHER GUYS

Box Office

1. Couples Retreat – $25M
2. Zombieland – $16M
3. Cloudy – $12.3M
4. Toy Story – $9M
5. The Invention of Lying – $4.2 M
6. Surrogates – $4.1M
7. Capitalism: A Love Story – $3.3M
8. Whip It – $3M
9. Fame – $2.5M
10. The Informant! – $2.3 M

     

Box Office Guru

Couples Retreat -$24M
Zombieland- $12M
Cloudy – $11M
Toy Story -$7.5M

Box Office Mojo (Derby)

Couples Retreat- $25.8M
Zombieland – $14M
Cloudy – $10.7M
Toy Story – $8M
The Invention of Lying – $4.2M
Surrogates – $3.9M
Capitalism: A Love Story -$2.8M
Whip It – $2.7M
Fame – $2.4M
The Informant! – $2.2M

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