Below are some set pics from the upcoming cinematic adaptation of funny book Jonah Hex, starring Josh Brolin as the “tit”ular character.

Hex isn’t exactly a “top tier” comic property. He doesn’t wear a cape, he’s not a particularly nice guy, and I don’t see there being a huge market for horribly disfigured action figures. But he is a bad-ass and like me he once fought a puma. So I will reserve judgment until the movie comes out, though if history’s taught us anything it’s that a) the Holocaust didn’t happen* and b) the coolest comic book characters generally make the shittiest movies. Case in point: The three failed attempts at making a viable Punisher movie (okay, the Dolph Lundgren version was certainly a CREATIVE success, but alas not a financial one). Exhibit B: Wolverine. What a load of feces that was. And Keanu Reeves as John Constantine? Poop soup (although Peter Stormare’s turn as Satan almost made it worthwhile).

It does seem like they tried to downplay the scarring on the right side of Hex’s face, probably so as not to scare off the ladies. Really doesn’t look that disfigured at all; more like he was having a chemical peel done and walked out halfway through. As someone who’s had his share of bad spa experiences I’ll tell you, it’s the kind of thing that can turn a good-hearted person into a stone-cold killer. I mean LOOK at these cuticles! If your fingers were similarly befouled you’d stab a Vietnamese lady in the eye with a nail file too, Your Honor (more excerpts from my recent testimony can be found on the Judicial Branch of California’s website).

Oh, and for all you Google-dependent chronic masturbators, here are some shots of Megan Fox, who’ll be acting against type by playing the part of A WHORE. A stretch, I know, but something tells me she’ll be able to pull it off.

*The Holocaust did happen.

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