Connecticut is a scary place. My ex-girlfriend’s family comes from there and although I’ve never been, I can imagine what crazy shit transpires in Joe Lieberman’s state.

I’m sure there’s a lot of gifelte fish eating hijinx and other David Letterman-related wackyness, but apparently the movie “The Haunting in Connecticut” has nothing to do with my ex’s Jewish family or the late night talk show host.

Apparently, the film, released on March 27, 2009 is of the “horror/thriller” genre and is based on the ‘alleged true story’ of the Snedeker family’s encounter with the paranormal in Southington, Connecticut.

I sometimes think of myself as a para-normal. Which to me, means I am paralyzed at the thought that I am normal. Isn’t that what that word means? No? OK, well whatever.

The ‘alleged true story’ was featured in an actual book by an actual writer. His name is Ray Garton and apparently Connecticut is so scary a place that the film crew re-enacting the ‘allegedly true story’ were too afraid to shoot the film in that state and instead opted for the safer route and shot the film in Teulon and Winnipeg, Manitoba. That’s Canada for you people who failed geography.

Anyhow, the story revolves around this family that is forced to relocate to a clinic where their teenage son is being treated for cancer. (Can you say uplifting and heart-warming?) The family begins experiencing violent, supernatural events that the parents first blame on stress and hallucinations from the boy’s illness and treatment. The family later discovers the home’s haunted past, and seeks the assistance of a local priest.

I’ve never seen “The Exorcist” (OK, I am a pussy, I admit it.) But I think that this is the same plot line.

Some people say that this ‘allegedly true story’ is a fabrication and actually took place in California (on the Universal Studio lot perhaps or maybe in the commissary at Fox during a drunken lunch staff writer’s meeting.)

Who cares if its true or not or whether Rotten Tomatoes has given the film a 19% positive rating, scary films are good if you are a teenager or are dating one and want to get to 2nd base. You see, (a little pointer from the pro) when the music begins to get all dramatic and chilling, that’s when you squeeze the chick’s hand and let her know that you will keep her safe no matter what happens. Sure, its only a movie and everyone knows that there is no iminent threat to you or your date, but the psychological sub-text is delivered with just a simple hand tightening and as a result you will get to experience the sweet suppleness of your teenage girlfriend’s supple breasts in your hands within 2 to 3 hours.

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