While his collagen-enhanced baby-momma’s traveling the globe to assemble a multi-ethnic army of pants-wetters with which to execute whatever her nefarious plan is, Hollywood’s leading hunky man Brad Pitt will boldly go where he hopes to escape the constant cacophony of third-world baby babble… OUTER SPACE. Not literally of course, because that would be against God’s will, but in the fantasy world of Hollywood movie pictures for Warner Brah’s upcoming adaptation of ancient Greek boy-lover Homer’s epic poem The Odyssey. “But wait,” you interject. “I remember reading The Odyssey in high school and while I could be wrong — as I did huff a lot of glue back then, as well as the occasional rag soaked in paint-thinner — I’m almost certain that Homer’s epic tale did not occur in outer space.” EXACTLY! As with the recently announced Moby Dick for Retards, this is another case of a Hollywood movie studio taking a classic of work of literature and X-TREMING it up for the kids, whose short attention spans and videogame-weaned palates demand that rocket launchers and beheadings and Hong Kong style wire work and last but not least a multitude of explosions be inserted into any and all entertainment product, no matter how fucking contrived it may come off.

The silver lining is that the ludicrous concept will be directed by Aussie helmster George Miller, whose Babe: Pig in the City took the world by storm. Yeah he also directed Mad Max, but so what? Robert DeNiro was in a movie called Taxi Driver and Metallica once put out an album called Kill ‘Em All. Don’t get me wrong, I’m generally of the opinion that putting anything in space makes it better. Uh… Leprechaun in Space? Case in point. So sign me up for American Ninja in Space, Bloodsport in Space, Two Weddings and a Funeral in Space, even 2Girls1Cup in Space. Hell, shoot the entire Cannon Films library into orbit and let Xenu sort it out, I don’t care. But there are some works that are so classic that they transcend the “… in Space” rule and call me crazy but I believe The Odyssey is one of them. But hey, I was wrong about the Y2K virus and have the underground bunker to prove it, so I could be way off here.

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