Shatner family calls bullshit on J.J. Abrams
As you’ll no doubt recall from your middle school history class, the greatest humans to ever walk the earth are:
Grrrr-AARGH! (The Renaissance Caveman who harnessed fire AND invented the wheel in the same lost weekend whilst drunk off his gourd on saber-tooth-tiger-urine wine)
Gandhi
Jesus
Zombie Jesus
Ted Nugent
Einstein
Rocco Siffredi
William Shatner
Not necessarily in that order. You’ll notice there’s not a single woman’s name on that list. That could be because the gender-biased oppressive patriarchy dominating society since the hunter/gatherer times has suppressed the storied accomplishments of womyn throughout history. Or it could just be because women are dumb-as-shit walking vaginas who are only good at one thing, and that’s prattling on about the minutia of their day for hours on end. I’m leaning toward the former, but will admit the jury’s still out.
But back to Shatner. When J.J. Abrams announced that he would be directing Paramount’s Star Trek reboot, many Trek fans were secretly crossing their fingers and praying to each one of the large-breasted Green Space Deities that Captain Kirk taught the meaning of love to with his cock that their beloved Shat would take the high road and bow out of any involvement, he possessing the self-awareness to realize that his time portraying his career-defining role had passed. But such fans clearly did not understand the true meaning of William Shatner. There IS no high road, only ONE road: the Shat road. Of COURSE Shatner had a hissy about not having a featured role. Of COURSE Shatner believed that he –even at age 77 and Jerry-Lewis-bloated – is the only actor on EARTH capable of playing Kirk; even a young Kirk at Starfleet Academy. Frankly I would’ve been disappointed with Shatner if he HADN’T pitched a fit, which is why the video below – wherein Shat and his twin daughter Liz call Abrams to the carpet for being a liar – makes my nipples lactate with joy.
Thing is, I believe Shatner. I’ve dealt with enough passive-aggressive Hollywood dooshnozzles to recognize the tell-tale bullshit stench of the back-patting Brutus. Don’t get me wrong, I think the new Trek movie’s gonna be awesome, and I’m just as certain that Chris Pine will completely pwn as Kirk as I am that a Shatner cameo would’ve come off as contrived and corny. But come on, Abrams; you could at least be up front about it. At the very least because the LAST thing you want to do when making a Star Trek movie is piss all over the franchise’s demigod — and the legion of fanboys who worship him. But mostly because Shatner – one of the eight human wonders of the world — deserves more respect than that.
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