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The sequel we’ve all been waiting for: BEVERLY HILLS NINJA 2

bevninja2.JPG
Destination Dirt Pipe 2? Try Another Beverly Hills Ninja. This cake-loving slut (the slanty-eyed one) will be the only thing worth watching in it.

Seemingly unaware that the star of the original died of a cocaine overdose 11 years ago, Sony is moving forward with a sequel to the 1997 Chris Farley vehicle Beverly Hills Ninja.

In addition to its vulgar pointlessness, the planned sequel will be noted for being the first mainstream Hollywood film to shoot in South Korea. Production will be handled by the Korean company ATM Worldwide. Seems like there’s a joke in there… what’s something funny the acronym “ATM” could stand for? Hmmm. Can’t think of anything. Damn, I wish I were more cleverer.

Sequel will be helmed by Mitch Klebanoff, who co-wrote and co-produced the original. Klebanoff will be shoving his feces-smeared penis into the mouths of a cast that includes David Hasselhoff, Lucas Grabeel – who was apparently one of the chicks in High School Musical — and Thai sex hooker Lin Chiling (pictured above tempting Chris Farley’s ghost with delicious cake). Wow, with a cast like that it can’t be bad, right? No word yet on who’ll be filling Chris Farley’s circus-tent-sized gi, but I’d bet dollars to donuts (well, mostly just donuts) that it’s gonna be Chris’s career-leeching brother Kevin Farley. You know you’re something special when you make Jim Belushi look legitimate by comparison. I bet Kevin has kept Chris’s corpse in a cryogenic chamber for the last 11 years just waiting for a role like this to come up so he could make a fat suit out of it. That’s right Kevin, just gut the fucker and crawl inside like he’s the last tauntaun standing between you and hypothermia. I’m sorry, was that insensitive? So is making a low-budget straight-to-DVD sequel to a film that its star loathed so much he freebased himself to death out of shame.

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