Considering it shares a title with my favorite bukkake movie (only the spelling’s different), the upcoming Nic Cage “Yellow Fever Assassin” actioner Bangkok Dangerous is sizing up to be just left of Wicker Man on the lame scale. And from the looks of it, someone accidentally dropped the negatives into a vat of Welch’s Strawberry Soda and the producers just said, “fuck it.”

I also notice that as I predicted last year, Nic Cage’s wigs are getting progressively more and more ridiculous in direct proportion to his career. In Bangkok Dangerous we find Cage sporting a ‘do eerily similar to that of Emo Philips (see exhibit A below). And if Judy Tenuta had slant-eyes I bet Cage would stick his dick in it. Cage just might have the most embarrassing celebrity Asian fetish since Woody Allen convinced Mia Farrow to adopt a bunch of underage “Ho” Chi Minhs for him to stage naked Tet Offensive reenactments with.

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