Raimi steps on Lehane Train
Dennis Lehane’s novels, much like this website, are full of salty New Englanders who say FUCK the Lakers, grifters, junkies and child molesters. They are also popular fodder for directors seeking critical nods, as evidenced by Clint Eastwood’s Mystic Pizza River, Ben Affleck’s Gone Baby Gone, and the upcoming Scorsese film Shutter Island, all adapted from Lehane books. Well now it seems Spider-Man franchise-maker Sam Raimi’s getting in on the action, having signed on to direct the film adaptation of Lehane’s The Given Day for Columbia. Did I mention FUCK the Lakers?
Lehane’s novel, which hits bookshelves like they’re a mouthy woman on September 23, takes place in 1919 Boston – a city which, this evening, will be host to the Lakers’ soul-crushing end to their season as the Boston Celtics smite them like the whiny little pussy-boys they are. Novel concerns soldiers returning home from WWI carrying Spanish Influenza, a disease Kobe Bryant wishes he had so he could drop dead before ever having to set foot in the Boston (insert corporate sponsor’s name here) Garden, where he will show the entire world that his self-serving, all-about-me antics never have and never will be justified by his admittedly prodigious basketball skills, because he CAN NOT lead his team to victory, CAN NOT live up to his own hype, and will NEVER come close to being the player Michael Jordan was, despite what every damn sports pundit in L.A. might lead you to believe. Screenplay will be written by Zodiac scribe James Vanderbilt, who graduated from the prestigious St. Paul’s School in Concord, New Hampshire, which is located a mere 60 miles from the Boston (insert corporate sponsor’s name here) Garden, where the Celtics will win the NBA Finals tonight, bringing glory to New Englanders everywhere and shame to the false Hollywood drama-queen Lakers.
Deal was brokered by Intellectual Property Group and the Ann Rittenberg Agency. And the Lakers? Homos.
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3 Comments, Comment or Ping
Brooks Donner
Lehane’s novel, which hits bookshelves like a mouthy woman on September 23, takes place in 1919 Boston – a city which, this evening, will be host to the Lakers’ soul-crushing end to their season as the Boston Celtics smite them like the whiny little pussy-boys they are. Novel concerns soldiers returning home from WWI carrying Spanish Influenza
Jun 17th, 2008
DB
The opinions of C-Mac pertaining to basketball, the NBA, the Lakers, The Celtics, Boston, Clam Chowder and the Boston Tea Party are his own and do not represent the position of Box Office Psychics Inc. LLP – a registered corporation of Delaware, All rights C in a circle 2007-2008
Jun 17th, 2008
HARVEY KEITEL
fuck the lakers? fuck you.
This is LA, bitch.
Jun 19th, 2008
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