I swear, Michael Bay’s genre shingle Platinum Dunes exists only to send out ridiculous press releases once a week. But if we are to take this story at face value and set aside our suspicion that this has to be some sort of post-modern meta-prank perpetrated by the magnificently coiffed exploder-of-things and the cadre of Dadaist Theatre of the Absurd operatives he’s secretly aligned himself with, it would seem that Michael Bay intends to adapt Hasbro’s board game Ouija Board into a movie.

Now bear in mind that Ouija Board has no plot, no story line, not even any sort of goal. It’s not even a board game really (even though it’s quasi-marketed as such); it’s just a piece of cardboard that people slide a piece of plastic around on to convince themselves that they’re engaging the spirit world in conversation. It’s only real purpose is giving junior high goth girls something to do on dateless Saturday nights… oh and supplying Pentecostal Christians with something to burn after they run out of Marilyn Manson records. Nevertheless a script will be written by none other than David Berenbaum (Elf, Spiderwick Chronicles). When asked for comment Berenbaum said, “Huh? They want me to write what? A movie about huh? Oh, there’s money? Lots of money? So like, they’ll pay me lots of money to just write whatever, huh? Cool.”

Bennett Scheir will oversee production for Hasbro. William Morris – which reps Hasbro, Berenbaum and Platinum Dunes – brokered the ridiculous deal, in an obvious attempt to channel the spirit of CAA.

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