David Cook Wins Special Olympics… er, American Idol!
In a triumph straight out of an ABC movie of the week, handi-capable rock n’ drooler David Cook overcame a lifetime of adversity and rode the short-bus to success, winning last night’s American Idol with a record-breaking 97.5 million votes which, according to leading music scientists, makes him the bestest singer in the world!
In order to compete in the hit Fox TV show, the Down Syndrome afflicted Cook left a career at the Blue Springs, Missouri Burger King where he served as mop technician, netting him 4 employee of the month placards and a free coupon for Baskin-Robbins ice cream. Cook, whose mental disability prevents him from grasping the ramifications of his defeating all the normally-developed competition, hopes last night’s win reaps a similar bounty. Quoth Cook:
“I like ice cream! I likes it a lot! And I like… cartoons! Can I watch Spongebob now? Funny! Funny!”
In addition to ice cream, David Cook’s prizes include a lifetime supply of drool cups and a recording contract with 19 Entertainment and Sony/BMG. Cook’s plans for his first record? A duet with fellow chromosomally-challenged crooner, Chris “Corky” Burke.
“Me and Chris like play together! He got GI Joes! I tells him if he let me play with his Cobra Commander, he can sing on my record! It gonna be lotsa fun! I like ice cream! I like ice cream!”
Surprisingly, this marks the second time someone with Down Syndrome has won Fox’s singing competition: In 2002 the prize was snatched up by former Wal-Mart greeter Kelly Clarkson, who went on to sell millions of records and take home a Grammy. After being dropped by her label and having a major tour cancelled due to lackluster ticket sales in 2007, Clarkson has gone back to her job at Wal-Mart and couldn’t be happier. When asked for comment on Cook’s win, Clarkson had this to say:
“Confabulations, David! I knew you gonna win! Just like my special eds teacher says, even though we handicrapped, as long as we try hard and do our best, we can do anything normal people can do! Like sing in songs and win contests! Can I have some of you ice cream now? I like ice cream! It’s yummy!”
You should also check out:
No Comments, Comment or Ping
Reply to “David Cook Wins Special Olympics… er, American Idol!”