If there’s one thing kids today love, it’s Fraggle Rock. The lovable singing hand puppets from HBO’s hit family series are on the minds and tongues of children everywhere, much like my enormous, throbbing… ahem. Other than Michael Jackson, Pac Man, and rock n’ roll’s Dokken, Fraggle Rock’s hold on our popular culture is incomparable. Which is why The Bros. Weinstein – known for having their fingers on the pulse of today’s youth (the pulse is located in the butthole, right?) – have decided to make a Fraggle Rock live action musical, to be directed by Corey Edwards (best known for the smash-hit animated film Hoodwinked!).

As with Jim Henson’s TV series, the Fraggle Rock movie will have puppets Gobo, Wembley, Mokey, Boober and Red interacting with human actors in ways that are wrong in the eyes of God. And as if this couldn’t get weirder, Ahmet Zappa will serve as exec producer. Yeah, that guy. Hopefully this movie will be better than his album Shampoo Horn, which was unlistenable. At least he’s trying to capitalize on the legacy of a dead guy who ISN’T his dad for a change.

“One of our main priorities when we first launched the Weinstein Company was to feature a broad range of family-friendly franchises like ‘Fraggle Rock,” TWC chairman Harvey Weinstein told Variety. “What better way to lure children back to my lair, so that I may eat them?” he fictionally added. Weinstein then devoured an entire bus full of handicapped kids in front of Variety’s horrified reporter, polished it off with a 50 gallon drum of turpentine, then wiped his befouled lips with a page from the Bible.

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