MTV Movie Awards Nominee List
MTV. Once a cutting-edge broadcaster that briefly revolutionized pop music with what were known as “music videos.” Early forays into original programming included vanguard animation (Liquid Television, The Maxx, The Head), cutting-edge comedy (The State, Beavis & Butthead) and a fresh new take on the stodgy old game show format (Remote Control). Even their ads and bumpers were surreal, wildly original, and perversely comical. MTV’s influence on popular culture was so pervasive that our nation’s populace of ADD-afflicted, pop-culture-obsessed latch-key kids became known as the “MTV Generation.”
But then something happened. Around the turn of the millennium — when the Y2K virus sent the civilized world spiraling back to the hunter/gatherer times (and were it not for Superman reversing the earth’s rotation we’d still be in that sticky mess o’ dinosaur crap) — when millions of Americans decided they’d had enough of the Clinton administration’s deficit-ending, economy-bolstering brand of blowjob politics and voted the slacked-jawed spawn of America’s military/industrial royal family into the oval office – when the herds of brooding alternative rockers ran so thin due to mass heroin ODs and shotgun-suicides that the only musicians left were Florida’s third-rate pedobait bubblegum-boy-bands and mini-truck-driving rap-rockers — MTV decided they were similarly ready for a paradigm shift. Music videos were replaced by reality TV programs such as “Angry Black Man & AIDS Guy.” Cutting edge animation was replaced by “stunt” shows such as “Delinquent Skateboarder Nut Bashing.” And the wild bumpers and ads were replaced by blinky lights. Because people LOVE blinky lights.
But something was missing. They needed a face-man for this re-imagineered 21st Century version of MTV (the M, at this point, ironic). So the network searched high and low for the most smug, uninteresting non-entity the could find; someone who would embody the 21st century’s superficial, over-privileged, non-original-thought-producing everyman; someone with a face so blandly offensive that one could not look at without being overwhelmed by the urge to SMASH it with a 2×4. And they found him. They found Carson Daly.
MTV recently announced the list of nominees for their annual “movie awards.” If you – like me – have been ignoring MTV for the last eight years, and were wondering just how deep into the muck of meaninglessness the network has fallen, let the list below bring you up to speed.
Best Movie
SUPERBAD
NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS
I AM LEGEND
TRANSFORMERS
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END
Best Male Performance
Denzel Washington - AMERICAN GANGSTER
Michael Cera - SUPERBAD
Will Smith - I AM LEGEND
Matt Damon - THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM
Shia LaBeouf - TRANSFORMERS
Best Female Performance
Amy Adams - ENCHANTED
Keira Knightley - PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END
Katherine Heigl - KNOCKED UP
Ellen Page - JUNO
Jessica Biel - I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY
Best Comedic Performance
Johnny Depp - PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END
Jonah Hill - SUPERBAD
Adam Sandler - I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY
Seth Rogen - KNOCKED UP
Amy Adams - ENCHANTED
Best Villain
Johnny Depp - SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET
Angelina Jolie - BEOWULF
Topher Grace - SPIDER-MAN 3
Javier Bardem - NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
Denzel Washington - AMERICAN GANGSTER
Breakthrough Performance
Zac Efron - HAIRSPRAY
Nikki Blonsky - HAIRSPRAY
Megan Fox - TRANSFORMERS
Chris Brown - THIS CHRISTMAS
Seth Rogen - KNOCKED UP
Christopher Mintz-Plasse - SUPERBAD
Jonah Hill - SUPERBAD
Michael Cera - SUPERBAD
Best Fight
Matt Damon vs. Joey Asah - THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM
Tobey Maguire vs. James Franco - SPIDER-MAN 3
Hayden Christensen vs. Jamie Bell - JUMPER
Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan vs. Sun Ming Ming - RUSH HOUR 3
Alien vs. Predator - ALIEN VS. PREDATOR: REQUIEM
Best Kiss
Shia LaBeouf and Sarah Roemer - DISTURBIA
Briana Evigan and Robert Hoffman - STEP UP 2: THE STREETS
Amy Adams and Patrick Dempsey - ENCHANTED
Ellen Page and Michael Cera - JUNO
Daniel Radcliffe and Katie Leung - HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF PHOENIX
Best Summer Movie So Far
INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL
SEX AND THE CITY: THE MOVIE
SPEED RACER
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN
IRON MAN
Fuck MTV. Fuck MTV in the ass with a claw-hammer. The MTV Movie Awards airs Sunday, June 1st. If you watch it, you’re an asshole.
You should also check out:
No Comments, Comment or Ping
Reply to “MTV Movie Awards Nominee List”