Rules for Living – May 9th, 2002

If you’re going to pimp out your Friendster page so it embodies exactly the kind of hip, with-it, free-thinking 20-something of the early 21st Century you are – then there are only two ways to go (and don’t be afraid to “go both ways” if you know what I mean). 1) Make sure you put Radiohead in your “music” list. 2) Make sure you put Donnie Darko in your “movies” list. Because you know what that says? It says, “Hey, I’m alternative – but not like, hurling feces at American flags and trying to overthrow the government alternative.” You’re a Hybrid Lexus (have these been invented yet?), not some friggin’ Burning Man manure-powered moped.

Rules for Living – May 9th, 2008

Awesome! They’re making a Donnie Darko sequel! Sure, Richard Kelly won’t be involved, and Jake Gylaaanlhaaaal won’t be in it – but damn it, I need to put something on my Facebook movie list to show I’m still “hip” and “with it,” even if I’m no longer free-thinking or in my 20s. Said sequel will follow the adventures of Sparkle Motion-ing Darko sibling Samantha as she travels to Vegas in search of oh, I don’t know… an invisible talking gopher. Helming the sequel will be some dude named Chris Fincher, and reviving her role of Samantha will be actress Daveigh Chase, who is now 18 and bang-legal (sorry, Tal). Speaking of, here she is in a bikini (you’re welcome, Tal).

(CORRECTION: Daveigh Chase won’t be bang-legal until July 24 of this year – Ed.).

I know a lot of nerds on the internet are up in arms about this, but seeing as I thought the O.G. film was a load of overrated, faux-Lynchian diaper pudding, I couldn’t care less. Remake it all you want! Let Uwe Boll direct it. Do it in 3D with animatronic puppets, I don’t care.

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