We’ll no doubt be posting a lot of “Ellen Page attached to project bla-bla-bla” stories in the coming months. The miniature Canadian who drove the Juno car to money-town has been signing her name on the dotted line for any producer with a pay-or-play deal in hand and who can blame her? Strike while the home-skillet’s hot!

The latest: According to our friends over at /Film, the adorable wood-sprite from the Great White North will star in director Sam Raimi’s upcoming horror pic Drag Me To Hell, a supposed return to the Spiderman maestro’s darker roots. …Hell producer and long-time Raimi collaborator Rob Tapert described it thusly:

“A wild ride with all the chills and spills that Evil Dead delivered, without relying on the excessive violence of that film.”

Um, excessive? Who the hell said the violence in Evil Dead was “excessive?” I believe the word is “perfect.” In fact, by today’s buckets-o-gore standards the Evil Dead trilogy is on par with a Miley Cyrus video (only with less belligerent auto-tuned vocals). I understand a horror master like Raimi wanting to distance himself from the nihilistic shock-value crap of horror-hacks like Eli Roth, but I’m pretty sure he could reproduce Evil Dead shot-for-shot and still get it on the Disney Channel. Come on, it’s not like a girl gets raped by a tree or something. Well, okay, a girl DOES get raped by a tree, but it was the romantic kind of rape, and very tastefully done. What I’m trying to say is, if Ellen Page ain’t getting raped by any trees, I’m just not fucking interested. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Sam Raimi.

Drag Me To Hell starts shooting in Los Angeles March 17 (Erin Go Bragh!), 2008.

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