Um, lame.

Because if Fox Searchlight had any faith in the word-writing ex-pole-princess who’s lined their coffers like one of the coconut-and-cod scented g-strings requisite of her former profession — to the tune of $107 MILLION fucking EARTH DOLLARS, thank you very much – they would have let this shit ride. Opinions are like assholes, ya know? Besides, while EVERYONE and their mom loves wise-cracklin’ hipster Diablo, her cute Betty Paige cut, her self-reflexive PoMo lingo, I don’t think anyone with a brain – at least a brain not atrophied from too much overpriced Marmont Citron-7 and top-tier studio exec jizz –walked away from Juno thinking “damn, what a tight story.”

Of the “offending” lines of dialog sited by CC2K — while I’d admit there are some groaners –- most sound like more of the same sort of cutesy-clever shit that made America love Ellen Page’s lezbo-lipped Juno so very, very much:

• “Fried bologna is the bomb!”
• “You’re totally jello! You’re lime green jello and you can’t even admit it.”
• “Never Trevor. I’m hot like magma.”
• ” I’ll piss on you like Calvin.” (ed. my personal fave)
• “Sandbox love never dies.”
• “Slow down tardy slip. You sound like a sped.”
• “I got the monopoly on pain!”

So cut the kid a break, haters.

“Jennifer’s Body” reteams Dildorado Karate with “Juno” helmer Jason Reitman (this time producing) and stars “Transformers” actress-person Megan Fox. (Sidebar: Why is her name Megan Fox? She should just go by Megan; the “Fox” is implied. That’s like me taking “Rapist” as my surname). The horror-comedy concerns a high school hottie who, after becoming possessed by like Satan or some shit, starts whacking (alas, not off) all the it-boys in her school (when in doubt, steal plot lines from Dan Waters). Film’s slated to shoot in March.