AS DB wrote a review for “John Rambo,” I decided it was my duty to do the same for this weekend’s box office champ, “Meet The Spartans”. But then I realized I’d probably have to actually watch to the movie to do so. I’ll be completely honest here: I’d rather contract AIDS than go see a Seltzer and Friedberg movie; in fact I’d rather contract cancer-AIDS, or e-bola-leprosy, or any other CIA black-ops hybrid disease designed to make my skin fall off and blood shoot out of my penis for six hours before dying in a convulsive heap of pus. But obviously these movies have an audience. So I enlisted my cousin, 16-year-old Gary Wayne McCoy of Bangor Maine, to write the review for me.

Gary’s interests include hanging out in parking lots, Insane Clown Posse, doing whip-its, applying “pissing Calvin” decals to the back of his Ford F150, and smoking blunts full of schwag weed. And, as I suspected, he’s the exact audience Seltzer and Friedberg have in mind when creating their films: A low IQ, ADD-afflicted, pop-culture obsessed, morbidly obese rural wigger. Take it away, Gary!

Yo So these weeken (I think I wuz Friday) mee an Mi friens Jimmy and Dave when to tha Bush Mills Mall Cinaplex to see a movie, we wanned to sneek into RAMBO bcuz Jimmy sez Rambo cutz off a dood’s arm with a mashetty and then beets another guy to deth witdt it, so we got a tixet to MMMET THE SPARTANS, but that fat fuck Mr. Benniger who maniges the place (yo remember he fired me after too weeks for stealin mike and Ikes) was all like standin by the door and shit, so we went to see MMET THE SPARTANS anyway even tho it we thot it was gonna be abot boring gay ass shit like history, but since Dave stol a bottle of his mom’s boons aynyway we figgers what the fukk plus we were alredy pritty stoned (420!!!) so how the fuck bad culd it be, so we went in and saw it and that shit was FUNNYY!!!!!! Evin tho it was kinda lyke 300, at times, but it was kinda funnier, and the fat guy who hit Borat in the face wth his nutsack was init as the badguy and the dood who was Hercooless o0n the TeVee sho (ya I kno more gay history sheet) and Karmin Lecktra wooz hott!! Their were alott of funny jokes. I giv MMET THE SPARTANS 4 starz and two thums up (yore ASS!!) becuzz it was pritty funny. 420!! ICP!!! Peace \m/ G-MAC

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