Warner Junks Justice League
Turns out the spandex-clad uberman super-orgy JUSTICE LEAGUE will remain but a twinkle in director George Miller’s eye for the time being. Warner Bros. let options on the cast lapse and announced yesterday that the project would be put on “indefinite hold,” per Hollywood show business trade publication Variety.
That the studio didn’t exercise the options on Miller’s bargain-basement cast — comprised mostly of unknowns and up-and-comers (e.g. Abercrombie model Armie Hammer Jr. as the Batman and Aussie sexpot Megan Gale as Mrs. Wonder Woman) – does not bode well for the future of the superhero pic. There’s speculation that the script still needed work and some sort of “strike” prevented that from happening. Strike, hmmm… oh, STRIKE! That explains all those chunky dudes outside my office window marching around in beat-up Saucony track shoes and red t-shirts. I thought NBC was giving away free ham and/or furry porn or something.
Anyway, while fans of the DC universe are no doubt heartbroken over this news (what movie are they going to bash sight unseen on internet message boards now?), perhaps no one’s more distraught than the former Justice League member, space monkey Gleek. After years of standing in the shadows of the purple-clad incestuous lovers/siblings Zan and Jayna (aka the Wonder Twins) — with their dubious powers of being able to turn into the form of an ice-something-something and the shape of an animal capable of carrying around whatever ice-something-something the other one had just turned into – Gleek hoped George Miller’s JUSTICE LEAGUE would finally expose Gleek for what he TRULY was, i.e. the brains behind the entire operation. Now it appears Gleek’s dreams have been crushed like field mice under the spiked heel of my Master’s patent-leather boot, and as the following EXCLUSIVE interview reveals, he was none too happy about it.
BOPSY: So Gleek. The news came out yesterday that the Justice League movie has been put on indefinite hold. How does this make you feel?
GLEEK: Gleek!!! Gleek gleek gleek!!! GLEEK!!! GLEEK GLEEK GLEEK GLEEK!!! (hurls feces).
BOPSY: Have you spoken to George Miller at all about these developments? What did he have to say?
GLEEK: Gleek-gleeek gleeeeek!! (hurls feces). GLEEK!! GLEEK!! (hurls feces). GLEEEEEEEEK!!! (again with the feces hurling).
BOPSY: Have you considered the possibity of doing your own movie? Something that tells the Gleek story from your perspective?
GLEEK: GLEEEEEK!!! (guzzles Jim Beam) GLEEEEEEEEEEK!!!! (loads revolver)…
At this point our interviewer fled the room. But as he cleared the gate of the Canoga Park apartment complex where Gleek rented a modest studio, a single gunshot rang out, putting an abrupt end to the cacophony of gleeking and hurled feces splatter. The suicide note Gleek had left behind was simple enough, yet offered a window into the soul of one of the Hollywood Machine’s many casuaulties: “GLEEK” it said. Just “GLEEK.”
Rest in peace, Gleek. We will miss you.
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