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Sirs Ben Kingsley and Leo DiCaprio (far right, he’s the not-fat one).

Sir Ben Kinsley has joined the cast of movie director Sir Martin Scorsese’s SHUTTER ISLAND, pairing him with Marty muse -slash- hunky eco-warrior Sir Leonardo DiCaprio.

SHUTTER ISLAND was scripted by Lady Laeta Kalogridis from the novel by Sir Dennis Lehane, and is probably about something New Englandy and murdery and child molestery.

Damn that Dennis Lehane. If I’d known there was so much dirty lucre to be made mining New England’s seedy underbelly, I would’ve move to Billerica instead of L.A., and robbed liquor stores with my cousin Pat O’Malley, who was like the Gandhi of liquor store robbers believe it or not. Like Gandhi, Pat’s now doing a dime at Walpole Prison for stabbing a bus driver in the face with a screwdriver, and also similar to Gandhi he went on a hunger strike, except his wasn’t for some pussy peace bullshit, his was fighting for conjugal visits from his Russian mail-order bride Oksana. Pat’s hunger strike only lasted 3 days and Pat’s kind of a fat-ass so no one really noticed (that’s the shitty thing about being a fat guy on hunger strike) but it did get a little write-up in the Lawrence Eagle Tribune. Maybe I’ll write a book about Pat someday. I’ll call it NIGHT RAPER, not because Pat ever raped anyone (that I know of), but because I like the name. Hi mom!

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