Stretching exercises are important right before a sex vacation in Mexico with Orlando Bloom

This week the tabloids finally picked up on the fact that Aniston has been using a Sunset Blvd. hotel as the seducing spot with 29 year old Orlando Bloom. Aniston, who is listed on IMDB as 8 years older (some actresses lie about their age, once I went out with a former MTV VJ who told me she was 35 when she was actually 40…) is obviously using the daft English actor to get back into the headlines. She’s taken him on vacation to Mexico and apparently has also bought a new $4 million dollar house in New York City (probably an apartment, you can’t really buy a house in NYC and not for $4 million. That would probably just get you a condo or something like that…)

She’s also masterfully using her PR to exploit her new title as “Number 1 Celebrity Face” by Forbes magazine. How do they even come up with that shit?

To add to it, Aniston is coming out in 7 films in the next two years:

Marley & Me (something about her banging Bob Marley probably…)

The Senator’s Wife (a tale about how her gay bathroom trolling Senator husband doesn’t give it up anymore maybe?)

Gambit

Wanted

Traveling

Management (all of these one word titles are really hard to make fun of…)

and

He’s Just Not That Into You (based on the best-selling book non-fiction book which Aniston should have read before Brad Pitt left her and not after….)

Anyhow, I think you get the gist of this posting. Aniston is a douche. I don’t like her very much. And she’s really a fat person trapped in a yoga-obsessed anoerexic body.

- Angelina Jolie (guest writer for BOPsy)

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