According to today’s Variety, Owen Wilson’s trip down the tracks on the ol’ razor train has movie execs pondering a similar conclusion to life’s problems; this wave of regret spawned by the all-eggs-in-one-basket approach to comedy casting that’s left them sans one affable corn-muffin-headed stoner to pad the pussy-pull-power of the 5,000,000 Apatowmedies now stalled at the green light gate.

Among the projects left fucked by Wilson’s Cobain impersonation: TROPIC THUNDER (directed by Ben Stiller, co-starring Jack Black and Stiller), MARLEY & ME (co-starring Jennifer Aniston) and DRILLBIT TAYLOR (produced by Apatow, co-starring the entire cast of FREAKS & GEEKS).

Also fucked is Fox Searchlight’s marketing campaign for frequent-Wilson-collaborator Wes Anderson’s THE DARJEELING LIMITED, due to bow September 28th.

Now let me preface this by saying that like brain tumors, pedophilia, monkeys and clowns, suicide is no laughing matter: However, isn’t everyone kind of blowing this whole Wilson situation out of proportion? Pills and razors? Textbook “cry for help.” Real life-haters jump off buildings wearing hats made of dynamite, cut off their own heads with chainsaws, or at the very least auto-erotically asphyxiate themselves like Michael Hutchence. THAT dude knew how to kill himself. Pills and razors? That’s 14-year old goth chick material. Did the emo boy he had a crush on leave a mean comment on his MySpace blog or something? I mean Owen’s essentially the Martha Dumptruck of manic-depressive celebrities. A couple of weeks in the psyche ward, maybe a few Scientology auditing sessions and he’ll be fine. Let’s not get carried away, people. Broad romantic comedies starring the more bankable Wilson brother ain’t going anywhere.

• Owen Wilson in Hospital
• Dear Tony, Owen Wilson is no Kurt Cobain
• Owen not to appear in upcoming Stiller movie Tropic Thunder
• Owen Wilson Leaves Cedars Sinai Hospital
• BREAKING: Heath Ledger = Dead