Strike Panic Sends Studios into Stockpile Frenzy
According to today’s trade publication Variety, with the threat of potential labor strikes from the WGA, DGA, SAG, IHOP and TGI Friday’s looming, Hollywood’s motion picture studios are filling their squirrel-like cheek pouches with enough projects to get them through the cold dark winter. Per said trade publication:
A report from the Film L.A. permitting agency, scheduled to be released today shows that off-lot feature filming in the Los Angeles region surged 29%, and TV work 19%, in the second quarter to 2,514 and 5,387 days, respectively.
Of course it could just be a case of them making a big deal out of nothing, kind of like when my mom found all those Playboys underneath my bed (and by “Playboys” I mean dead hobos). WGA West assistant exec director Charles Slocum dismisses the studios’ ramp-up as a mere scare tactic. “Stockpiling is an unecessary disruption by studios of the production economy,” said he.
Still, just in case you studios folks mean business, or even if you don’t, I’d like to offer up a few of my own projects that I’d happily sell you for a better-than competetive price should you need to fill your bluff coffers with more flame-fanning film fodder. And as I am not affiliated with any union or guild (unless the KISS Army counts) I’d be happy to “scab” for one of your non-signatory off-shore affiliates through any surprise labor stoppage. Because that’s just the kind of good American I am. Loglines are as follows:
ANGRY HEAT
A rough-around-the-edges cop who plays by his own rules takes on the Russian mob to avenge the death of his partner; also, some lesbians make out.
ABOVE THE LAW
Former Green Baret Wade Chandley just wants to live out his days collecting rare coins and helping troubled youths down at the rec center. But Wade’s forced to revisit his past when a team of hot lesbian terrorists kidnap the governor’s daughter and force her to do really hot lesbian sex stuff with all of them. Also, a tank fights a robot. Who will win? The robot!
KICKBOXING NINJA
By day, Chance Stable is a kickboxer. But by night, he’s a ninja! And in order to prevent a nuclear holocaust Chance must take on an army of hot lesbian super-soldiers whose only weakness is having anal sex with Chance in his hot tub. Plus, on page 52 a unicorn explodes! KA-BOOM!
DIE HARD WITH MONKEYS
It’s Die Hard. With monkeys.
I’ll take any reasonable offers. Just make the check out to my mom due to my “child support” issue. Thanks.
Tags: Hollywood, stockpile, labor strike, WGA
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