Warner Brothers — as part of an ongoing international Communist conspiracy to turn American male adults into sunken-chested, socially retarded furries incapable of defending themselves against the pending Chinese invasion of 2012 – will give yet another 1980’s animated action-figure infomercial a live-action spin, this time the wizard-repelling anthropomorphic felines THUNDERCATS.

Paula Weinstein’s Spring Creek Productions will produce, along with Dick Robertson and Lew Korman, hoping to capitalize on the ever-growing throng of nostalgia-addicted middle-aged male children by fueling the CGI-enhanced Cheetara rape-fantasies which render them incapable of propagating with non-action-figure human women. Spring Creek and Warner Brothers hope this scheme will not only leave U.S. Military ranks too thin to defend against the coming Chinese horde, but will ensure America’s sexually-deprived female population will welcome their super-verile red devil Mongol invaders with open arms (and open legs, nudge-nudge-wink!).

THUNDERCATS script has been penned by Paul Sopocy, whose previous credits include writing tag-lines for 20th Century Fox one-sheets and…. nothing. Seriously, this guy’s body of work consists entirely of gems like “SOMETIMES YOU’VE GOT TO GIVE LOVE A CHANCE” and “WHEN THE BEST STILL ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH” and “COMING THIS SUMMER.” Obviously a lot of thought has gone into all this. I’m sure it’ll be great. Meaning, unwatchable.

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