Box Office Prophets

Next… $14.3M
The Invisible… $ 9.2M
Disturbia… $7.9M
Kickin’ It Old Skool… $7.4M
The Condemned… $ 7.1M
Fracture… $5.9M
Hot Fuzz… $5.7M
Meet the Robinsons… $4.4M
Vacancy… $3.7M

Box Office Guru

Next… $13M
Disturbia… $8M
Fracture… $6.5M
The Condemnded… $6M
The Invisible… $5M
Kickin’ It Old Skool… $5M

Screens

Blades of Glory… 3,056 (-403)
Disturbia… 3,047 (+32)
Next… 2,725
Are We Done Yet?… 2,725 (-243)
Vacancy… 2,551 (0)
Meet the Robinsons… 2,461 (-542)
Fracture… 2,443 (0)
The Condemned… 2,310
Perfect Stranger… 2,197 (-464)
In the Land of Women… 2,155 (0)
The Invisible… 2,019
Kickin’ It Old Skool… 1,813
Wild Hogs… 1,602 (-399)
Hot Fuzz… 1,272 (+447)
300… 1,005 (-503)

WHAT’S IN THE CARDS

NEXT - Did Nic Cage luck into a clearance sale on wigs or something? Seems like his fake hair is getting progressively more ridiculous with every one of these dumb action movies he makes. His next pic he’ll be rocking frosted Bon Jovi hair circa “Slippery When Wet” and we’ll all be expected to act like it’s been that way the whole time. This only leads someplace bad. Cage will be shooting another supernatural romantic drama ala City of Angels and he’ll do the whole thing wearing one of those novelty rainbow wigs, with a straight face, totally earnest, and if anyone so much as thinks of calling bullshit on him he’ll fly into a rage and stab a set dresser to death with a Black Power afro pick. Anyway, NEXT is a no-resemblance adaptation of a Philip K. Dick story wherein Cage can see the future or something. Fuck that guy.

THE CONDEMNED - Take one part Running Man, mix in one part Battle Royale, add a pinch of Bloodsport and a 10-gallon bucket full of whatever mutant chromosome makes Down Syndrome kids retarded and you’ve got The Condemned. Hey, if there’s one thing WWE is known for, it’s making good movies. I think they proved that with The Marine, right? Right.

THE INVISIBLE - Yet another pointless supernatural thriller that no one will bother to see. Might as well have released it on invisible prints in invisible movie theaters. Might as well have hired invisible actors to perform an invisible script for an invisible director. No what’s also going to be invisible? The film’s profits. Tell that to your stockholders, too. “Oh, they’re there alright.. you just can’t see them. Why? They’re invisible! Boo!”

KICKIN IT OLD SKOOL - Holy fucking guilty pleasure. Am I the only one who thinks this movie looks like retarded fun? Just the concept is hilarious: Jamie Kennedy plays the premiere break-dancer of 1986 who goes into a coma after a totally ill headspin misfires. He comes out of the coma 20 years later and has to get his old breakin’ posse back together to win back the girl of his dreams. Just admit it: Every time Malibu’s Most Wanted comes on cable you watch it. You don’t intend to watch it; you’ll be flipping through the channels and there it is. Before you know it you’ve watched the whole damn thing, and laughed out loud at least 5 or 6 times (maybe more if you’re high on the pot). So listen: Do Jamie Kennedy a favor and see this movie in the theaters. You owe it to the guy. Yeah expectations are low but so what? Scarf a pot brownie before you go in and you’ll be screaming with laughter the whole time. Beats having to watch Nic Cage’s wig for two hours.

Tags: box office predictions, Next, The Condemned, Kickin’ it Old Skool, Disturbia, Blades of Glory