“Faaaaaaaaaaaarrrt!”

“Singer” Willa Ford — previously known for raping eardrums with her (s)hit song “I Wanna Be Bad” and being on that stupid dancing show that all the old crows in my office are always going on and on and on about — will play the “titular” role in the dead coke-hooker biopic “Anna Nicole.”

Ford is particularly qualified for the role as she also grew up in a dirty trailer park down in Deliverance country, and probably also thinks pop-tarts with Kool Whip on ‘em is fancy. Also, like Anna Nicole, Willa probably sucked a lot of cock to get where she is today – which is basically dancing on a stupid show old ladies watch and playing a dead money-grubbing pillhead in a shitty movie.

Oh, and speaking of coke-hookers, “Anna Nicole” will be produced by Lebenese dry cleaner and perveyor of good taste Elie Samaha. Samaha’s previous credits include Battlefield Earth and Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever, which are like two of the greatest movies evar! No word yet on which German film funds Samaha will bilk to finance this piece of shit.

It’s actually a fitting tribute to the memory of Anna Nicole that the film based on her life will star a talentless fame-whore and will be produced by the man who thought dressing up John Travolta as a ten-foot tall alien — in a movie about the healing power of Scientology — was a good idea. I hope this thing goes down in a bloated, pus-ridden ball of flames just like Anna Nicole. Is it possible for a movie to get a toxic ass infection? Cromsblood, I hope so.

Tags: Anna Nicole Smith, biopic, Willa Ford, Elie Samaha, Scientology, Batttlefield Earth

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