Where Are They Now: Jonathan Brandis
By Wodi McWo
Back in the day, the name Brandis was a synonym for Awesome. When Spielberg needed an actor for his live action series “SeaQuest DSV”, whom did he turn to? Brandis! When Rodney Dangerfield needed a male costar that could double as a surprisingly hot chick in LADYBUGS, whom did he turn to? Brandis! And when George Lucas was looking for a young man to play Anakin Skywalker in STAR WARS II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES, whom did he turn to? Well, Hayden Christensen, but guess who auditioned for the role? BRANDIS! The guy was Hollywood’s leading man before there was ever a Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio. He banged Brittany Murphy, played with dolphins and his television resume read like a wet dream: “Webster,” “Full House,” “Saved By The Bell,” and “The Wonder Years.”
So whatever became of the man who was nominated in 1991 for Best Young Actor Guest Starring in a Television Series for his role in “The Flash”? Jonathan Brandis went on to become one of the most famous celebrities ever. He currently makes 20 million dollars a film, pisses gold and drives a rocket car through the streets of Hollywood. Nah, I’m just kidding, he’s dead. What a douchebag.
Next week’s Where Are They Now: Andrea Elson
Tags: jonathan brandis, celebrity deaths
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5 Comments, Comment or Ping
fuck you
What a horrible article about Jonathan Brandis. You should be ashamed of yourself. It’s easy to be so flip when you’re not directly involved- or compassionate.
Wodi McWo, you need to get some compassion.
Feb 7th, 2008
Wodi McWo
Dear Commenter,
I apologize for upsetting you with this column. Truth be told, I upset myself with this piece and was in a much different place a year ago when I wrote it. You may have noticed that I no longer write “Where Are They Now” columns for boxofficepsychics and that is because I have since found Christ. I have asked for the Lord’s forgiveness and believe that I have received it and I only hope that you and any other reader who was offended by my shameful writings can forgive me as well. Oh, and go fuck yourself.
-Wodi
Feb 7th, 2008
peter piper
How could you forget SIDEKICKS? I read on the wall of a Citgo bathroom stall that Chuck Norris demands his name be mentioned in connection with said Brandis under penalty of a roundhouse kick to the grandmother. He might even kick his own grandmother while he’s at it, who knows?
Feb 8th, 2008
Wodi McWo
Peter,
I truly apologize this time. I have no excuse for not mentioning Chuck Norris in this column or any of my other writings. Not only was SIDEKICKS one of the greatest films of all time, but Brandis got to put his Brandis in Winnie Cooper. Perhaps I was scared that by the mere mention of Chuck Norris’ name, a virtual kick would smash through my screen and connect with my face. I’m kind of on welfare and it would totally suck to have to buy a new computer. Oh, and go fuck yourself… hard.
-Wodi
Feb 8th, 2008
peter pan piper
Wodi,
I am a sponge and thus a-sexual, so telling me to go fuck myself is like saying, “this world needs more of you. spread your seed, dear pariah of the sea, and spread it far.”
I have dispatched Mermen to your residence to commandeer said computer and use tridents if necessary.
Also, I attended the prestigious Univ. of Tennessee, and, at the local McDonald’s, was a charming, questionably gay negro man who would hand me my two cheeseburger meal and say, “here’s yo order, wodi.” i voted him to be McDonald’s employee of the forever……
love, triple P
p.s. sorry for the delay. i am a Timecop and thus stuck in a timewarp….
Jun 2nd, 2008
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