Trouble continues on the set of David O. Russell’s upcoming political comedy Nailed, starring dreamy bi-curious cowboy Jake Gyllenhaal and Jessica “buns o’ steel” Biel. After finally resolving last week’s clash with the Screen Actors Guild due to a silly misunderstanding over their actors not getting paid, the producers are now in hot water with trade union IATSE, which stands for, um… International… Acrobats… Telepathy… okay, I don’t actually know what it stands for, but it’s those guys on the movie set with the tool belts and duct tape, and they usually have lots of cool stories about the pirate times.

Problems stem from the film’s perhaps ironically named financier Capitol Films (because they have no “capital,” get it?), who, in addition to stiffing the actors, neglected to pay IATSE’s below-the-liners as well. IATSE reps have instructed their craftsmen to stay off set until money issues are resolved, effectively shutting down the South Carolina production and affording Jessica Biel more time to sculpt that unearthly ass of hers. Seriously, her ass is from another planet. It’s made of the same substance as Wolverine’s unbreakable skeleton and emits beams of healing energy capable of curing most diseases. I’m pretty sure the only material capable of tapping that ass is depleted uranium. Luckily my love-missile’s packing enough of that sweet stuff to cause birth defects in Iraqi villages for the next five hundred years. Hey, know what this story needs? More pictures of Jessica Biel’s ass.

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