OUR CRYSTAL BALLS SAY

1. Avatar – $25M
2. Dear John – $16M
3. From Paris with Love – $12M
4. Edge of Darkness – $10M
5. When in Rome – $7M
6. Tooth Fairy – $6M
7. Book of Eli - $4.5M
8. Crazy Heart – $4M
9. Legion – $3M
10. The Blind Side - $2.8M

ANAL-YSIS

Will this be the week that Avatar is finally bumped from the top spot? Dear God, no. As for new releases we’ve got a weepy chick flick (Dear John) and John Travolta’s latest attempt to knock Nic Cage off the peak of Insane Actor Mountain (i.e From Paris with Love). The former combines Nicolas Sparks’ trademark maudlin melodrama AND 9/11 – two great tastes that go great together, right? – while the latter features Travolta at his most difficult-to-look-at since Battlefield Earth. I’d be perfectly fine with both films tanking hard but Dear John seems to be tracking fairly well, perhaps due to the dearth of Sandra Bullock films for Cat Lady Nation to watch when they’re not compulsively updating their OKCupid profiles’ lists of arbitrary requirements for the men they’ll never meet.

But yeah, James Cameron’s taking the weekend, just like he’s going to take the Best Picture and Best Director Oscars. Did you actually think he was kidding when he told us he was King of the World 12 years ago?

THE OTHER GUYS

Box Office Mojo (Derby)

1 Avatar – $26M
2 Dear John – $18.2M
3 From Paris with Love – $13.6M
4 Edge of Darkness – $9.6M
5 When in Rome – $7M
6 Tooth Fairy – $6.5M
7 The Book of Eli $5.3M
8 Crazy Heart – $4.5M
9 Legion – $3.5M
10 The Lovely Bones – $2.9M

Lee’s Movie Info

1 Avatar – $24.15M
2 Dear John – $19.15M
3 From Paris with Love – $12.4M
4 Edge of Darkness – $9.35M
5 When in Rome – $7.245M
6 Tooth Fairy – $6.43M
7 The Book of Eli – $4M
8 Crazy Heart – $3.64M
9 Legion – $2.92M
10 Sherlock Holmes – $2.52M

Box Office

1 Dear John – $25M
2 Avatar – $24M
3 From Paris with Love – $11.5M
4 Edge of Darkness – $8.8M
5 When in Rome – $6.7M
6 The Tooth Fairy – $6.6M
7 The Book of Eli – $4.3M
8 Crazy Heart – $3.5M
9 Legion – $3.2M
10 The Blind Side – $2.9M

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OUR CRYSTAL BALLS SAY

ANAL-YSIS

Apparently there’s this movie out called The Avatar. Haven’t heard much about it myself, but from what I understand it’s become something of a cult hit, like Rocky Horror or The Room. I guess people dress up like the main characters and act out the scenes and throw spoons at the screen or something. Don’t really get the fuss, but it seems to be doing fairly well at the box office, in fact it will likely beat out newcomers Taken 2: Mad Max 4: The Final Solution (aka Edge of Darkness) and What Happens in Vegas 2 (aka When in Rome) starring the adorable Kristen Bell – who’s kind of like Mel Gibson, except cute and small and less Jew-hatey. I suppose I’ll have to check out The Avatar eventually – being a movie biz pundit and all. Screw it; I’ll just wait until they run it on HBO and go see The Tooth Fairy instead. He’s a big muscly guy who has to be a tooth fairy? For real? OMG!

THE OTHER GUYS

BOX OFFICE

1 Avatar – $29M
2 Edge of Darkness – $23.5M
3 When in Rome – $9.5M
4 The Book of Eli – $9.3M
5 The Tooth Fairy – $9M
6 Legion – $8.9M
7 The Lovely Bones – $5M
8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel – $4.7M
9 Sherlock Holmes – $4.5M
10 It’s Complicated – $4.4M

LEE’S MOVIE INFO

1 Avatar – $28.7M
2 Edge of Darkness – $20.7M
3 When in Rome – $9.21M
4 The Book of Eli – $8.15M
5 Tooth Fairy – $7.86M
6 Legion – $7.3M
7 Sherlock Holmes – $4.8M
8 The Lovely Bones – $4.6M
9 It’s Complicated – $3.77M
10 Extraordinary Measures – $3.66M

BOX OFFICE MOJO (DERBY)

1 Avatar – $27.9M
2 Edge of Darkness – $22.2M
3 When in Rome – $11.3M
4 The Book of Eli – $9.2M
5 Legion – $8.2M
6 The Tooth Fairy – $7.9M
7 The Lovely Bones – $5.1M
8 Sherlock Holmes – $4.5M
9 Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 – $4.1M
10 It’s Complicated – $3.9M

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1. Avatar – $36M
   
2. Legion – $18.2M
   
3. The Book of Eli – $17M
   
4. Tooth Fairy – $14.5M
   
5. The Lovely Bones – $8.8M
   
6. Sherlock Holmes – $7.1M
   
7. Extraordinary Measures – $7M
   
8. Alvin and Chipmunks 2 – $6.5M
   
9. It’s Complicated – $6.2M
   
10. The Spy Next Door – $4.8M

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Lionsgate and Millennium Films have finally picked the man to play the titular role in their upcoming Conan redux. However instead of going through a casting agent or sending out offers to “stars” through their representatives as one would traditionally cast a $60 million movie, they just went down to the parking lot of the Phish concert, found themselves a drum circle and pit the hippies against one another in a fight to the death for a plate of hash brownies. Emerging victorious was Jason Momoa, whom the six people who watch SyFy Network will recognize as Ronon Dex on Stargate Atlantis, and the rest of us will recognize as the stinky barefoot guy who begged us for change that one time we drove through Sedona.

The hunky trustafarian is 6’ 5” — so if he were walking down the other end of a dark alley you’d probably be pretty scared, until you caught a whiff of the patchouli. He also used to be on Baywatch, so there’s that. He’s half-Hawaiian, which definitely makes him the perfect choice to play a blue-eyed Celtic warrior. And apparently this guy’s a big Lenny Kravitz fan, having gone so far as making a baby in the same Cosby kid’s vagina as the similarly-dreaded retro-rocker. As a matter of fact Momoa and Lisa Bonet have two kids together: Daughter Lola Iolani Momoa, and a son named Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa.

No, seriously. Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. Try to say that three times fast. Now, having failed that, try to say it once, at all. That’s what this guy named his first-born son. Either that or he was having an epileptic seizure and the nurse just jotted down whatever babble came out of his foamy mouth.

Another interesting rub here is that Mickey Rourke is rumored to play Conan’s father in the film. As my fellow 1980s late-night cable masturbators might recall, Rourke is the guy who violated Lisa Bonet’s every orifice in the controversial sex scene from Angel Heart – the film the pretty much ruined Bonet’s career. Wouldn’t it be ironic if Mickey ruined Momoa’s career too? By violating his every orifice? That would be delicious irony indeed.

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